things they don’t tell you about shrink sessions

  1. shrinks can be asshole
  2. but you’re an asshole yourself, so don’t worry about shrinks
  3. people have wept like babies on the chair you’re sitting on
  4. if you smile while sitting across a shrink, you’re probably going home to stronger medication
  5. shrinks may try to get you hooked to medication
  6. shrinks can be utterly nice and helpful
  7. you don’t deserve niceness, do you
  8. but you should still push yourself to see that shrink if you think they’re nice
  9. because nice is extremely underrated
  10. ‘underrated’ should probably have a hyphen eh?
  11. you should always buy chairs from the same store your shrink buys theirs from
  12.  shrinks have the most comfortable chairs
  13. my shrink once said ‘here is the emergency number. call on it if you ever have extreme tendencies. we want to help you, but we can only help you if you’re alive’
  14. that is the best thing a shrink has ever said to me
  15. apart from ‘please don’t fart on my chair’
  16. shrinks can be cool
  17. you deserve cool
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